Mountain/Molehill - Discuss

I'm having one of those 'erk' moments that I regularly have, getting all ahead of myself and fretting.....bills again, money again, though it's not so bad; and money should be coming back into my account with housemates paying me their share of the bills......all a good thing, no? Not since I paid off half my overdraft, which though it means I actually have just as much money as before, it feels much less.....and I dont know how to save a bit more a bit faster, certainly considering the upcoming ginormous spend of moving......but more importantly, there's the hassle that goes with it and all that crud and changing bills over. It's not like it's really difficult, it just gets me fretted. I think I need to step back from all of this more than a little and put my feet back on the ground.

Gadzooks, I'm far more stressed now about moving than I ever was about my viva last year! Or is my memory playing tricks on me? All I know is, I miss plenty of people more than a little and really want to see them all, but also feel a little bit like I dont - hermit tendency taking over. Completely self-centred, I know.....

Anyhoos, I'm now in a position at work where I *have* to stop doing lab experiments and sit down and write up all this junk! I am VERY behind on my paperwork, and so a decent part of tomorrow afternoon shall be spent doing all that writing lark - which also means I need to charge up my iPod.....more worries, hell even doing the laundry got me stressed out earlier, I'm headed for a nervous breakdown very soon!

Come see me, come stroke me, come buy me ingredients and let me cook for you, my bloggardes........

Contentment

Truly, I am blessed. Maybe even blesséd. Or better still, I have blesséd myself. Yes, dear bloggardes, I made myself some purchases a few weeks ago all of which have proved immensely good and wonderful. I have a new sauteuse that is just fab and my increased spending on meat to the detriment of, say, slightly less proteinaceous foodstuffs goes to show how I am wedded to it (braised joints here I come). I also have bought what I consider the kitchen tool, nay, the all-purpose tool of the gods. I have bought a potato ricer.

Jon-ster will be forevermore sans lumps in his mash. Mash has always gone down as one of my top three foods, in the days of cautious drying and masher-mashing. Now I need never fret again, so long as I buy half-decent potatoes, which I shall endeavour to do. But I'm also inspired to start mixing things into this new and wonderous potato-mass I see hovering before me.......mashed swedes, general other smushed up veg (Hutspot, anyone? Am I going Dutch, what with the pancake fixation?), gently fried onions, gently fried mushrooms, meat juices, bits of bacon......ah, delight! Sheer and utter delight, to be found with the assitance of this most wonderous of things, the potato ricer, which requires no batteries and comes in a nice shiny stainless steel model. I am very happy.

In other news, I'm quite tired, slightly worried about lop-sided motorbike wheels but that could be me being paranoid, worrying about my inability to solve chemistry problems - plus ça change - and having thai-ish food for lunch. Badly need to do laundry, even more skanky need to hoover up the shaven bits of beard on the bedroom floor, also need to get money from housemates for bills. Life goes on. With smoother potatoes.

Money worries

I'm getting all nice and paranoid about the upcoming move, and that it's going to cost me an arm and a leg and then some. I know it's slightly over-worrying on my part, but it's partly to do with the fact that I'm over-demanding on what I want compared to what I'll be able to get. And so I'm going to have to compromise somewhere, and that somewhere will probably have to be on things like buying stuff and entertaining myself. I know I can do it, after the 2 months living on the line in southampton, though admitedly I wasnt paying council tax at that time. But I also really want to be able to save, and that's not going to be likely the way it currently looks; and that's with over-estimating what I can get on certain things......woe is me.....

In other news: not much. Form filling, bit of chemistry, that's about it. My life is DULL.

TISWAS

And so another weekend splutters into terminal decline.

It's not been a bad few days, really. I've filled in all these forms for the new job, to discover I'm lacking several important pieces of information (to be sorted out on Monday). I've also been having some kind of indigestion, possibly due to a bacon overdose, what with having eaten the last of the roulades on saturday evening, but coupling with eating up the rest of the bacon (about eight rashers-worth) on top of some pasta at lunchtime. Hence last night and today I have been very much burpy Jon-ster.

Food is pretty much a theme at the moment, since being inspired by the horrible (wonderful) Ms. Lawson, I've found myself dreaming up loads of things to cook and people to invite round for food and all that jazz. Even to the point where I've been looking at my german cookbook and almost weeping at the site of Blechkuchen (in a plum variety hereshown):



but that's just me. I'm all about the layered and/or rolled-up food at the moment.

What else have I done though? I've been totally immersed in the world of Castlevania, and thus have little tunes floating around in my head. Had headache yesterday owing to lack of caffeine, and I'm only having a single cup of the stuff today, so should have beaten my craving for a bit, or at least till Monday with the excessive amount to drink at work. Cleaned the bathroom as was my turn (and how skanky was it? Very. I may change my mind about how often they should be scrubbed) and did some shopping. There was a very tantrummy kid being pushed around, wailing and wailing. You can always tell the difference between a tantrummy kid and one that's really upset, and this was a full-blown tantrum. Loud wails as Mum pushed said kid through the whole of the shop, most embarrassing for her but there's not a lot you can do with a kid in a paddy. Felt like slapping it myself, I'm so child-friendly eh?

I think I'm done now. Next week will be pretty slow after 2 nights out last week, but I'm OK with that. Back down south next weekend (weather permitting), and plenty of list-making for the inevitable moving....and a resignation letter to write! Woe is me.....but we do have Sky TV now, so I can spend my evenings glossed out to crap on multiple channels.....

Contract hellN

Stuff for new job arrived in the post today. Scary reading, it's like signing your whole life away giving them leave to pry into private details of my life. You know there are a tonne of films out there where an unknown turns up in some country town, and after a while wins over the townspeople but has a dark murky past (upon which basically the rest of the plot hinges)....well, I'm not sure you could ever do that any more, what with all the check-up details you need to provide for them to scrutinize you and make sure you dont fiddle your taxes, or molest children or leave the loo seat up. And I know that contracts are written to stop lazy arses taking the piss and nefarious people scamming some company, but it smacks very much of corporate soulessness. Plus it means I finally have to get a new passport to make it easier to deal with all the financial rubbish. And I've got perhaps a gazillion forms to fill in, in triplicate. Curses.

Still, it does mean that things are further on the way to getting fixed for the move. Now I have this contract stuff, I can officially write a resignation letter and breathe that my time in Leeds is coming to an end. And d'you know? I'm actually rather sad about it. Routine is a very insidious thing, it seems, since I'm going to miss the daily round of crazy with this bunch here. Funny how a place grows on you with familiarity.....not to mention the fact that I have to gird my social loins again to make another life in another county......I'm racking up towards double figures of different counties lived in.

Today has been slow all over, the only thing hanging over my head at work is the prospect of having to phone BT again tomorrow and hold for umpteen hours to switch our broadband.....and I need to sort out the bills and things soon too! Bummer. But perhaps March will be the time to do all of that, saves me fretting now - and I can get on with plenty of other chemistry in the meantime. Fun fun fun. I also have to deal with this enormous batch of manganese dioxide which is up the duff and not activated.....bugger knows how I'm supposed to do that, though!

Braise-tastic

I've fallen in love with Nigella Lawson. Well, that's a bit of an overstatement, I haven't actually got a romantic obsession with the daughter of a former Thatcherite Chancellor, rather I've been reading one of her books and I've fallen in love. Which, to me, is something pretty spectacular. I'm pretty much riled by the current celebrity chef explosion, it seems in one turn hopelessly patronising and at the other, very faddy or always trying to look for something new and exciting. I've particularly disliked Ms. Lawsons own gastro-erotica on screen, though I have loved piss-takes of her.

On the page, she's a different woman. Direct in style and far more attuned to my own feelings about things and food in general (though I take issue at some of her supply-sourcing stuff) than I thought, I'm finding it a page turner and I just want to get in that kitchen and rattle those pots and pans. I haven't been this full of anticipation since I first discovered Elizabeth David, many moons ago now.

So I've made a whopper of an amount of food, way too much for my projected dinner-tomorrow-and-lunch-on-Friday thing......and actually, bugger, I forgot that I'm supposed to be going out for dinner tomorrow for purposes of a leaving do! Arse! I've got eight rather enormous Rouladen sitting in some toothsome juices, and WTF am I going to do with them now?! Also Friday is probably a food write-off, so I'd better deal with them somehow.....but I didnt want to freeze them, and then I'll lose the lovely sauce, and.....I'm an absolute pillock. Still, the cooking was fun......and I suppose if I fridge them then they'll be OK on Thursday, what with it being so bloody cold in our kitchen. Never mind.

But back to my main train of thought, I've been getting into the braising habit, it's the best way of cooking for maximum returns and so easy, so I thought I'd pass along the tip.

Food count today is high. Drink count was however low, though I did have 3 cups of green tea. Must try harder (and use that memory I'm supposed to have).

Long weekend

Phew, well wasnt Thursday right bloody 'orrible! In more ways than one certainly; after having slogged through the rain and puddles in the morning, it then dried out almost completely owing to the huge amounts of wind. This also led to the trains being disrupted (did you all notice? Did you?), something that did not occur to me until about half past two, when I started checking the web updates, to discover that most services were shafted, but that I could get a bus to Doncaster and then pick up alternative GNER services south. No such luck. By the time I was blown down through town, to include a diversion round most of the pedestrianised centre because the roof tiles were coming off, I found out that almost every service heading south from Yorks or Lancs had been cancelled, that there were trees all over the lines and the roof had come off at Kings X. So much for live web updates.

I really cant be angry with people for the weather, but it did put me almost completely out of joint. Part of the reason I was going south on Thursday was to get my booster Hep B jab (a remnant of the delightful sexual health screen. No, I dont have Hep B) early on Friday morning. With no way of getting to Brighton by any feasible method, I had to can it, rearrange the appointment for Monday (lucky we couldnt do any work that day, due to electrical outage) and then go back to work, another gusty, detoured walk.

Arriving back at work all sweaty and icky, I had a bit of a depressed rant at everyone - I'm good at it, as all of my favoured bloggardes know and have experienced to their dismay/humour - and then almost failed to do any further work. Some stuff done, lots of chatty-chatty with people at work (very funny at times), only to realise that the heavens were opening again, and that (due to local services also cancelled due to high winds, curses) I had to walk all the bloody way home again in the pouring rain. Fucksocks.

So, Thursday evening and night saw a very unhappy me facing the prospect of no P over the weekend and an enormously hassleful rearrangement of Hep B jab to a Leeds clinic. Fortunately, rising too early on Friday morning saw me getting a very early bus (overpaid due to lack of change, worse luck) and then an early train to London, which all went smoothly to Kings X, which still had a roof, from what I could tell. A quick hop to Thameslink whilst burning my hands with a cup of extremely hot coffee (through 2 paper cups, people) and then I got on my train to Brighton. Or at least what I thought was my train to Brighton, but was in fact a service to Wimbledon. With the shafted rail network, they didnt announce a different train, and since the first few stops are the same crossing central London, I didnt notice until we were out in the deepest darkest parts of Herne Hill (wherever that is) and had to backtrack to Blackfriars and wait for another train, making my journey another hour longer. Ah well, idiocy knows no borders, huh?

Finally arrived in Brighton, scooted up to P and really felt like bursting into tears from the sheer relief of it. Glad I didnt (I'd have gotten a funny look), but it really was a slog of a trip, if you consider that it lasted about 24 hours from 2pm Thurs. And so to a weekend of niceness and scrappy arguments (tiff? awful word, but possibly apt), and then I'm back home to find lots of things rearranged and decisions and things to be made. I'll be glad to move out and into somewhere of my own, just so that I dont get such surprises; it's not that it's nothing I cant/wont deal with, just it'll be one less thing to be disturbed from my rut by. Of course I dont care that Tracey tidied everything away into cupboards, but then again, I do in an unquantifiable manner. Unreasonably, 'tis true, but hey. Roll on back to Southampton, where we just seemed to rub along (though maybe it was all seething and I didnt ever notice!).

Anyhow, I've been looking at expensive flats in Surrey, had to move to the most expensive part of the country, huh? Looks like I'm going to be forking out in the region of £600pcm if I really want to live by myself, and not have to commute for buggery ages every morning (something that I'm not even going to consider). Ah well. I'll just have to cut back on all that porn I've been buying......sorry, erotic films....whoops, sorry, arthouse films.....ah, what the crap, I've been spending it all on coffee and bloody saucepans and extra train tickets!

Looking forward to a leisurely day tomorrow, I'm going to force myself to do paperwork (if I even can) and not go OTT at the bench. Since I also need to get things moving post-haste on the house front, to avoid the farcical trips and petrol expense last January, that oh-so-long time ago, time really has flown.......

I am wet

Very wet. It is pissing it down this morning, and since I'm on my way south this evening, I've come into work by means of public transport, which means I've not been cocooned in my waterproof motorbike togs. This has resulted in me walking to the station, then from the station at the other end to work, getting drenched in the process, not helped by the holes in my shoes. I'm not a happy bunny.

Food

Odd combination this evening. In the need to put together something using up ingredients, I made a not-quite-a-chilli-but-spiced-with-chilli-powder, with a large quantity of carrots in it. I then had the brainwave of then taking small amounts of said melange and putting it on slices of bread and toasting cheese over it. Works quite well, if totally unhealthy and a bit odd, but I liked! Kinda like a British twist on the burrito, to dress it up nice and poncy in a fusion cuisine type-way.

Sandwiches also have to be made for tomorrow, a task I shall soon be doing. I've not really got any other news from today, other than that I'm bloody sick of doing these tandem oxidation-homologation reactions which should bloody work properly and cleanly, but then dont. Curses.

Mrs Update

Or Update-san, as I like to think of her.

Well, much need for an update as so much has happened in the last day or two! I now have an industrial post-doc to go to in deepest darkest Surrey (:-) which is bonus on two counts, it's somewhere to go towards in terms of career, and it's also somewhere to go towards P. I just now have all the hassles of moving the length of the country, all over again. At least I'm heading back to the south and am less than loads of distance from all friends and even family, barring Dad and grandparents. That's probably going to be a sore point. The hassles of moving to include; dealing with unaccountable reps at service companies to cancel everything and get new people in house onto new bills; finding somewhere new and nice to stay and live, that I like; moving itself, ohmigod what a stress, I may have to rope you into this P *please*; telling my currently landlady where to stick it, but politely.

Makes my heart turn over a little bit to think about it! I'm going to have to be all smiley and nice and new all over again, hopefully the last time for a good long while though. New beginnings also mean old endings, and though this one isnt a long-duration of one, I'm still going to be sad to leave these people here, now that I've gotten used to them all! Ah well, I want to be closer to my man more than anything in the world right now. Bless his little cotton socks.

Places to live down south also look like they are going to be expensive, 'specially if I'm going to try and live by myself - buying is out of the question - so I may have to live in a slightly less salubrious place than the country idyll I've been picturing; but we'll just have to see. If I cut back on lots of things, I maybe can move upmarket, but I dont want to be spending almost all my money on rent&bills, I'm still young enough to want to have a bit of spending power!

That's it for now, till next time, bloggardes, I remain your faithful (one-sided) correspondent.....

*blush*

So much for my promises and sweet words about spending money on neither petrol nor food this weekend. I have, in fact, done both; and since I picked up the wrong wotist by mistake, I've put super-duper unleaded petrol in my bike instead of the bog standard unleaded. Cant say as I notice any difference, except in the price.....which is what makes it all the more annoying! Petrol was needed because I not only had my little spin around the ring road, but today was so nice I went up hill and down dale all afternoon, then came home. But then realised I was having so much fun and didnt want to stop just yet, so headed out again for some night riding. Great fun, but only because the roads are almost empty and it's dry as a bone. Good riding weather, not (at all) hot so the road isnt sticky, bliss bliss bliss. Perhaps I should have gone out for a really long run. I also ended up getting myself lunch out, and a cuppa too. Never mind. I can afford it, so long as I dont buy any more food this week except bread. This is of course forgetting my breakfast every morning from Bakery 164, that I now cannot live without. *sigh* it's hard work being me, isnt it? Plus I've started to read this rather good book all about cooking from the old Soviet bloc (Eastern Europe doesnt do it justice, so it's easier to use the out-of-date term, no?), and so making myself ever-more greedy. Plus I now want to invest in an enormous ham-casserole to double for the poaching of dumplings and boiling of sheep's heads, and loads of cloths and curd cheeses and flagrant luxuries, just to turn myself into an enormous blob, or vollschlank as the Austrians would have it.

Thank goodness I'm back at work tomorrow, and can hopefully get over my culinary and petrolhead obsessions!

Blogging in the bathroom

Weird day today, it was really nice earlier with clear skies, not too much wind and general goodness, whereas now it is dark, gusty and raining! Still, I suppose this is more seasonal and I'll appreciate the heavier kinds of food a lot more if it stays this way, but it does make for 'orrible journeys!

Woke up early, then half-dozed for quite a while till getting up, then dithering for ages before deciding to have breakfast. This turned out to be rather heavy, as an entire batch of pancake mix went into the making of only three pancakes, all scoffed by me and cooked in butter. I'm getting used to having no bog-standard oil in the house. I've still got olive oil (extra-virgin no less, ooooh), which is very useful for certain applications (like applying it to a salad *ahem*), but apparently it is no good for stir-frying and possibly positively harmful in that application since prolonged excessive heat causes more rapid degradation of olive oil than other oils, and may release small amounts of radicals and carcinogens. Whoops there, then. But on the other hand, cooking lots of things in butter, whilst delicious and better for me than marg (what with all the heavy metals), is not good for me in terms of cholesterol. I should really start checking up my diet much more, and refusing to eat meat for a bit, which will force me to eat more fish and more veg (until either the mercury poisoning or the pesticides get me).

Went for a little ride around town, ended up going a completely different way to what I intended but never mind, am still amazed by the number of people who decide that indicating isnt really necessary when going around roundabouts *sigh*, and then into town for purchase of some lamb. And only lamb, since I realised I had no cash and then no desire to queue ages for some. So then home, to the supermarket, and covering my bike in its new cover (5th in a year, no less) before it started to piss down and howl. Evening has been spent not doing any tidying up, since that would be depressing, and can be safely saved for tomorrow when the aim will be to not spend any money (in the form of petrol or food, or money itself) and I will be stuck for things to do.

Went to see Mel Gibson's latest bloodfest film with the housemates last night, was not too bad because of some wonderful cinematography, but as far as the material goes, I could tell you all to give it a miss. Plus a tad on the gory side for my squeamish self, so if you dont like a lot of violence, definitely dont go and see it!

About to have a bath, then bed, probably. Life goes on.....

Tired, so very tired

Friday evening, and I was all set for it being the start of the week, what with having yesterday off for the interview and all. But now I've kind of hit a wall, and collapsed in a little heap and just want to sleep! Hopefully it's just that the stresses of yesterday (coupled with the not-so-good sleep of Wednesday night) have finally caught up with me. Since I wasnt altogether rushed off my feet at work today. Oh no.

Very little to tell, I could blog all about the interview but I'd rather not deconstruct the whole thing and just find out what the result is when I do. But I do want to say that the hotel was very nice where they put me up, and that I could get used to these things.....but a good job I wont be allowed to.

Off to the cinema in a bit with housemates to be sociable, and I'm going to force myself to go and enjoy it, even if I fall asleep halfway through!

Shameless cribbing

I dont normally go in for wholesale plaigarism, but this was worth sharing.....

The Sun to english dictonary

• Romp — sex
• Model — thought control for the lower classes
• Leaked memo — press release
• Shocker — mildly surprising
• Pukka — a type of pie
• Rumpy-pumpy — illicit sex involving a High Court Judge
• Scorcher — warmer weather then expected
• Allegedly — a word used as a wonderful all-purpose anti-litigation tool for outright lies
• Lord God Almighty — Rupert Murdoch
• Stunner — whore
• Close personal Friend of — liar
• A reliable source told us — we so wanted this to be true that we made it up
• News — polically motivated lies
• An Insider — A nobody
• A close insider — A backbench MP who probably has faint knowlage of the so-called "News"
• Outraged — because popular society said so
• Television or TV or "Teevee" — Little britain or a soap
• Terrifying — mildly agitating
• Chav — A crack at cheap humor or someone we don't like
• Asylum seaker — A scapegoat
• Toff — Someone with enough common sense or money not to read our paper

The world never stops being strange

Why is it that I'm so enticing to Frenchmen? Some of you already know that I keep myself an internet presence at other sites apart from this one, and it seems that wherever I go, Frenchmen click on my name in ever greater abundance. Perhaps my name means 'enormous cock' in French or something, I really cant explain it any other way......even with referring to my dearest bloggardes as, well, bloggardes, I really dont know.....

On this note, I also had a randomly long conversation with someone in German. Nice to get the practice! I still got it, though it definitely requires a haul out of the back cupboard and a bit of refreshing.....maybe I should dig out my Goethe and have another bash.....or more sensibly, I should start buying the FAZ, though it always seems depressingly devoid of pictures. This of course says a lot about British journalism, that even self-righteous, pompous, arrogant *I* need photos to spice up my newspaper......

Lunch

It appears that I have become very efficient at making my lunch the previous evening. I've also become remarkably efficient at leaving it in the fridge and forgetting to bring it to work.

Sometimes, I wonder how old I really am.

One week old 2007

Well, almost.

Sunday is the day of rest, they tell me, but I feel absolutely knackered! This is due to a short sharp shopping trip into town sans bike. Bike is still locked up in Sarah's garage, hopefully will be getting her back tomorrow but we'll just have to see. Any rate, I've bought far too much and wouldnt have been able to bring it home on bikeback, lacking in luggage space as I am.

I've gone all pancake-minded of late, thanks to making myself some very nice apple ones yesterday morning, and I think I'm going to have an addiction to them all again. They are so easy to make yet so lush. Pancakes are the way forward, people. On this culinary note, I can add that today's shopping consisted almost entirely of cooking-related items; a new saucepan, a new slow cooker and a new sauteuse (and that's not a lady who fries things). Also a new set of knives - can never have too many - and a potato ricer for all by mashing needs. Brill. Shopping itself has been a nice experience, dawdled in Borders for ages and had three cups of coffee (full-strength, and now I've got jitters, too long on the decaff!). Also had a strange bit of synchronicity, listening to Waterloo Sunset in a department store before emerging onto the street to hear the busker playing the same song. Most odd.

Still, it's been relaxing apart from breaking my arms carrying all this stuff home, and I'm inspiried to do a bit of reading and cooking again. Meditation may even be on the cards. Who knows? And then maybe a spot of internet shopping too, can never spend too much money! Well, you actually can, but since I've given up the idea of swopping my bike for something bigger for at least a couple of years (lack of secure parking means I'm not willing to take the insurance gamble), it means I can splash on smaller stuff for a change.

Tomorrow promises to be a very broken day, what with practising my own presentation and no doubt listening to several others courtesy of interviews at work. Nice. Still, keeps me away from the toxic stuff!

The weekend has arrived

There was an overly large-sized turd in the shelter at the train station this morning. I'm ever-so-slightly disturbed by this. It was far to large to be a dog turd, and had that quality about it that makes one think 'person shit', you all know what I mean. Even if it were a dog turd, that's pretty foul to leave it on a station platform, but if it were a human shit, it means that at some point on a freezing cold winter night, someone had a squat in public on a well-lit station. The mind boggles. I hope it isnt there on Monday!

But the weekend is here, and it feels like it's here far too early! This has been a three day week though, so it isn't exactly surprising. It seems difficult to believe that it was only Monday I was down with P, seems such a long time ago. But I've had a bit of a chance to think the past few days about what I need to do in the next year. Starting with practising this presentation for next week, and maybe sending in a few more job applications.....

Also, guess who carefully made lunch yesterday evening and forgot to pack it this morning? Bingo. Episodes like this are happening more and more often, worrying. I can no longer rely on my own memory, it'll end up with me walking into work naked, having forgotten to get dressed. Hopefully there are a few more years before that final indignity, though.

I'm going to have a bath now, and that maybe some apple pancakes, and then to bed. Tomorrow will be difficult, talking to myself in a small room!

Bulleted entry

• Slow day
• Forgot new USB key, remembered only when arrived at station so had to walk home and back again, curses
• Still quiet at work but blessedly nice for all that. Dreading next week with all the noise and people now!
• Presentation pretty much there in terms of slides. Practice, practice, practice is now the thing....
• Tuna sandwich dinner
• Laundry
• Mmph

That's all you're getting today!

Much promised update

It is now evening, first day back at work has been accomplished. It were dead quiet, like, with at least half the lab absent still on their xmas break (or holed up with snapped limbs, Miss Kinnell) and was actually quite nice, since I didnt feel the need to sit around chatting like crazy with everyone, which will no doubt happen next Monday.

There isnt really much to tell from today though, so I'll give a short run-down from the christmas break, it's what you all wanted anyways!

Spent two whole weeks with P, and it's been great. I think he's glad to have me out from under his feet for a little though, and I miss him like crazy already (so much for Jon-ster the cynic), but it was the best time. First couple of days were enough for me to catch up on my sleep - I've slept incredibly well these days, almost 10 hours every night - and then I had to go back to the sexual health clinic for a full range of swab-swab-swab-piss-in-a-pot. As previously indicated in previous entries, this was a new experience for me and not one that I'd care to repeat, though I shall be because it is sensible and better than to be rotting with bacterial infections, like I probably was before! To pre-empt the big question, I've been given the all clear on all counts (yay!), though they did make me have a second course of anti-biotics owing to 'unusually large discharge' (sounds like I was dripping yellow pus from my knob, but honestly, there was nothing to see), which meant another week-long moratorium on sex. Curses, but it did make for a very nice relaxed xmas with lots of cuddles and suchlike (:-). Let me now go into details about the tests themselves.

First up was a jab for Hep B. This is a nasty one, a blood-borne infection and as a man who has sex with men (or man, I'm no orgy freak) I can get jabbed for free. Nice. I then had to lie back and think of England for the urethral swab, whereby they put a small plastic loop about a half-cm in diameter up your urethra and then scrape it back up the sides. Not pleasant, but not unbearable. Less acute than having a tooth drilled, I'd say, but again not something I'd care to repeat anytime soon!

Next up was the blood sample, a bit of numbness in the hand whilst I get my elbow veins flicked and then dont watch as I think watching my own blood being sucked out would freak me out. Also found out that they don't screen blood routinely for blood group, especially if they're screening for STIs. I'm still unaware of my blood type! That was more painful afterwards when moving around, but nothing really that bad. I didn't dare watch though, squeamish to a fault.

And so to the rectal exam.

This is going to make some of my dear bloggardes squirm with discomfort, so look to the next paragraph if you'd prefer! God be thanked that I am not female and do not have to suffer smear tests and that they do not use a speculum (ooh, chilly), but even so.....I lie in the foetal position on my left side and after a liberal application of KY (at least a sympathetic nurse there) up goes the plastic tube in one firm push. OOoooooch! A visual inspection revelaed that I apparently have a dinky haemorrhoid - I feel so decrepit - and then another swab with an enormous long cotton-bud, perhaps the most unpleasant part of it all! That'll teach me for being a woofter, eh? Only thing was, throughout the whole episode I had nothing but a fit of the giggles, entirely appropriate since I was curled up with a tube up my arse having my nether regions looked at with immense detail and discussion from nurse and student doctor. Oh, did I forget to mention? I had a student doctor following me through all of this, so I had the first woman-lady-doctor ever to fondle my nads doing that, in the presence of the lady-student-doctor, before lady-nurse does all the swabbing in presence of same student. Delightful, but philanthropic of me, since they've got to learn somehow! But like I say, hearing the detailed discussion as they did nothing more than look up my bum was the perfect way to give me a smirking fit. So now you know.

Of course, with the exam going on and the fit of giggles, I felt compelled to ask (fatally?) whether the sun was shining out of my arse. Humour to the last, even during my least dignified moment! At least my prostate looks healthy. And then they let me wipe off all that KY in front of them. So I've also wiped my arse in the presence of some ladies now. Arent I just a dandy one?

Final swab was a bit of a surprise, the throat swab. I thought it'd be nothing (certainly after the previous one), but on the signal and me saying 'ah', I had a good six inches of swab at the back of my throat, and nearly gagged. So much for my credentials. And it actually hurt with scraping. Never mind. All of those swabs were then applied to agar plates to be sent away to fester and grow, and a little bit of the urethral scraping was smeared onto a microscope slide for immediate check-up, and I was then given two very small pots to piss in. Apparently it's one pot for the first bit of piss and then another for the mid-stream. And they are very small pots, specially since I'd loaded myself with coffee to make sure I could produce on spec and had then been prodded and poked with a very full bladder and feeling of urgency. I could filled at least ten of 'em! And getting your aim right so that it doesnt just spurt straight into the pot, whoosh around the sides and floosh over the edges, right over your hand, is very difficult.

Oh, the sheer joy! And after that waiting about to be told I've got NSU and given more drugs to swallow and warded off shagging for another week. I'm too good for all this.

After a slightly nervy week, I got the negative results back, which is great, but I have to go back for booster shots for the Hep B vaccine, less convenient. Much time spent doing not very much at all, except playing computer games, eating and watching TV. Perfect.

And so to a new year. It's after eleven already, and I need to be thinking about getting myself into bed and flaking out for another evening.

It's good to be back.

'allo!

Well, what a long time to go without posting anything! Dunno why I didnt bother down in Brighton, but I didnt and that's that. Just means I'll have to do a big post sometime in the next few days to make sure you're all up to speed with the news down Jon-ster-side.

Back to work today though, and I've already got a bumper load of extra jobs to ferret about with. I think that actual work will be postponed until tomorrow, and maybe even till next week! Never mind.....

Trust you are all well. Here's to a fantastic year of brilliantness!