Much promised update
It is now evening, first day back at work has been accomplished. It were dead quiet, like, with at least half the lab absent still on their xmas break (or holed up with snapped limbs, Miss Kinnell) and was actually quite nice, since I didnt feel the need to sit around chatting like crazy with everyone, which will no doubt happen next Monday.
There isnt really much to tell from today though, so I'll give a short run-down from the christmas break, it's what you all wanted anyways!
Spent two whole weeks with P, and it's been great. I think he's glad to have me out from under his feet for a little though, and I miss him like crazy already (so much for Jon-ster the cynic), but it was the best time. First couple of days were enough for me to catch up on my sleep - I've slept incredibly well these days, almost 10 hours every night - and then I had to go back to the sexual health clinic for a full range of swab-swab-swab-piss-in-a-pot. As previously indicated in previous entries, this was a new experience for me and not one that I'd care to repeat, though I shall be because it is sensible and better than to be rotting with bacterial infections, like I probably was before! To pre-empt the big question, I've been given the all clear on all counts (yay!), though they did make me have a second course of anti-biotics owing to 'unusually large discharge' (sounds like I was dripping yellow pus from my knob, but honestly, there was nothing to see), which meant another week-long moratorium on sex. Curses, but it did make for a very nice relaxed xmas with lots of cuddles and suchlike (:-). Let me now go into details about the tests themselves.
First up was a jab for Hep B. This is a nasty one, a blood-borne infection and as a man who has sex with men (or man, I'm no orgy freak) I can get jabbed for free. Nice. I then had to lie back and think of England for the urethral swab, whereby they put a small plastic loop about a half-cm in diameter up your urethra and then scrape it back up the sides. Not pleasant, but not unbearable. Less acute than having a tooth drilled, I'd say, but again not something I'd care to repeat anytime soon!
Next up was the blood sample, a bit of numbness in the hand whilst I get my elbow veins flicked and then dont watch as I think watching my own blood being sucked out would freak me out. Also found out that they don't screen blood routinely for blood group, especially if they're screening for STIs. I'm still unaware of my blood type! That was more painful afterwards when moving around, but nothing really that bad. I didn't dare watch though, squeamish to a fault.
And so to the rectal exam.
This is going to make some of my dear bloggardes squirm with discomfort, so look to the next paragraph if you'd prefer! God be thanked that I am not female and do not have to suffer smear tests and that they do not use a speculum (ooh, chilly), but even so.....I lie in the foetal position on my left side and after a liberal application of KY (at least a sympathetic nurse there) up goes the plastic tube in one firm push. OOoooooch! A visual inspection revelaed that I apparently have a dinky haemorrhoid - I feel so decrepit - and then another swab with an enormous long cotton-bud, perhaps the most unpleasant part of it all! That'll teach me for being a woofter, eh? Only thing was, throughout the whole episode I had nothing but a fit of the giggles, entirely appropriate since I was curled up with a tube up my arse having my nether regions looked at with immense detail and discussion from nurse and student doctor. Oh, did I forget to mention? I had a student doctor following me through all of this, so I had the first woman-lady-doctor ever to fondle my nads doing that, in the presence of the lady-student-doctor, before lady-nurse does all the swabbing in presence of same student. Delightful, but philanthropic of me, since they've got to learn somehow! But like I say, hearing the detailed discussion as they did nothing more than look up my bum was the perfect way to give me a smirking fit. So now you know.
Of course, with the exam going on and the fit of giggles, I felt compelled to ask (fatally?) whether the sun was shining out of my arse. Humour to the last, even during my least dignified moment! At least my prostate looks healthy. And then they let me wipe off all that KY in front of them. So I've also wiped my arse in the presence of some ladies now. Arent I just a dandy one?
Final swab was a bit of a surprise, the throat swab. I thought it'd be nothing (certainly after the previous one), but on the signal and me saying 'ah', I had a good six inches of swab at the back of my throat, and nearly gagged. So much for my credentials. And it actually hurt with scraping. Never mind. All of those swabs were then applied to agar plates to be sent away to fester and grow, and a little bit of the urethral scraping was smeared onto a microscope slide for immediate check-up, and I was then given two very small pots to piss in. Apparently it's one pot for the first bit of piss and then another for the mid-stream. And they are very small pots, specially since I'd loaded myself with coffee to make sure I could produce on spec and had then been prodded and poked with a very full bladder and feeling of urgency. I could filled at least ten of 'em! And getting your aim right so that it doesnt just spurt straight into the pot, whoosh around the sides and floosh over the edges, right over your hand, is very difficult.
Oh, the sheer joy! And after that waiting about to be told I've got NSU and given more drugs to swallow and warded off shagging for another week. I'm too good for all this.
After a slightly nervy week, I got the negative results back, which is great, but I have to go back for booster shots for the Hep B vaccine, less convenient. Much time spent doing not very much at all, except playing computer games, eating and watching TV. Perfect.
And so to a new year. It's after eleven already, and I need to be thinking about getting myself into bed and flaking out for another evening.
It's good to be back.
There isnt really much to tell from today though, so I'll give a short run-down from the christmas break, it's what you all wanted anyways!
Spent two whole weeks with P, and it's been great. I think he's glad to have me out from under his feet for a little though, and I miss him like crazy already (so much for Jon-ster the cynic), but it was the best time. First couple of days were enough for me to catch up on my sleep - I've slept incredibly well these days, almost 10 hours every night - and then I had to go back to the sexual health clinic for a full range of swab-swab-swab-piss-in-a-pot. As previously indicated in previous entries, this was a new experience for me and not one that I'd care to repeat, though I shall be because it is sensible and better than to be rotting with bacterial infections, like I probably was before! To pre-empt the big question, I've been given the all clear on all counts (yay!), though they did make me have a second course of anti-biotics owing to 'unusually large discharge' (sounds like I was dripping yellow pus from my knob, but honestly, there was nothing to see), which meant another week-long moratorium on sex. Curses, but it did make for a very nice relaxed xmas with lots of cuddles and suchlike (:-). Let me now go into details about the tests themselves.
First up was a jab for Hep B. This is a nasty one, a blood-borne infection and as a man who has sex with men (or man, I'm no orgy freak) I can get jabbed for free. Nice. I then had to lie back and think of England for the urethral swab, whereby they put a small plastic loop about a half-cm in diameter up your urethra and then scrape it back up the sides. Not pleasant, but not unbearable. Less acute than having a tooth drilled, I'd say, but again not something I'd care to repeat anytime soon!
Next up was the blood sample, a bit of numbness in the hand whilst I get my elbow veins flicked and then dont watch as I think watching my own blood being sucked out would freak me out. Also found out that they don't screen blood routinely for blood group, especially if they're screening for STIs. I'm still unaware of my blood type! That was more painful afterwards when moving around, but nothing really that bad. I didn't dare watch though, squeamish to a fault.
And so to the rectal exam.
This is going to make some of my dear bloggardes squirm with discomfort, so look to the next paragraph if you'd prefer! God be thanked that I am not female and do not have to suffer smear tests and that they do not use a speculum (ooh, chilly), but even so.....I lie in the foetal position on my left side and after a liberal application of KY (at least a sympathetic nurse there) up goes the plastic tube in one firm push. OOoooooch! A visual inspection revelaed that I apparently have a dinky haemorrhoid - I feel so decrepit - and then another swab with an enormous long cotton-bud, perhaps the most unpleasant part of it all! That'll teach me for being a woofter, eh? Only thing was, throughout the whole episode I had nothing but a fit of the giggles, entirely appropriate since I was curled up with a tube up my arse having my nether regions looked at with immense detail and discussion from nurse and student doctor. Oh, did I forget to mention? I had a student doctor following me through all of this, so I had the first woman-lady-doctor ever to fondle my nads doing that, in the presence of the lady-student-doctor, before lady-nurse does all the swabbing in presence of same student. Delightful, but philanthropic of me, since they've got to learn somehow! But like I say, hearing the detailed discussion as they did nothing more than look up my bum was the perfect way to give me a smirking fit. So now you know.
Of course, with the exam going on and the fit of giggles, I felt compelled to ask (fatally?) whether the sun was shining out of my arse. Humour to the last, even during my least dignified moment! At least my prostate looks healthy. And then they let me wipe off all that KY in front of them. So I've also wiped my arse in the presence of some ladies now. Arent I just a dandy one?
Final swab was a bit of a surprise, the throat swab. I thought it'd be nothing (certainly after the previous one), but on the signal and me saying 'ah', I had a good six inches of swab at the back of my throat, and nearly gagged. So much for my credentials. And it actually hurt with scraping. Never mind. All of those swabs were then applied to agar plates to be sent away to fester and grow, and a little bit of the urethral scraping was smeared onto a microscope slide for immediate check-up, and I was then given two very small pots to piss in. Apparently it's one pot for the first bit of piss and then another for the mid-stream. And they are very small pots, specially since I'd loaded myself with coffee to make sure I could produce on spec and had then been prodded and poked with a very full bladder and feeling of urgency. I could filled at least ten of 'em! And getting your aim right so that it doesnt just spurt straight into the pot, whoosh around the sides and floosh over the edges, right over your hand, is very difficult.
Oh, the sheer joy! And after that waiting about to be told I've got NSU and given more drugs to swallow and warded off shagging for another week. I'm too good for all this.
After a slightly nervy week, I got the negative results back, which is great, but I have to go back for booster shots for the Hep B vaccine, less convenient. Much time spent doing not very much at all, except playing computer games, eating and watching TV. Perfect.
And so to a new year. It's after eleven already, and I need to be thinking about getting myself into bed and flaking out for another evening.
It's good to be back.
posted by J at 9:50 PM
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