A sad day

Well, I think I'm turning on the bathos here, but.....

Mourn ye, mourn ye, for Jon-ster is no longer his own google hit number one; bloody professor of medicine with the same name has published something, so he's got the top spot now......*dark mutterings*

Have to do something about this, no? What will get me onto news headlines pronto? Suggestions on back of a postcard, or left in the comments box, please!