The man with no history

I just realised that I'm rather ashamed of who I am. Evidenced by the fact that I'm no longer in touch with almost anyone and everyone I know; why else would I let friendships last, but for the psychological truth that I value myself so low, that no-one could possibly want to stay in touch. Instead I live somewhat in a little aching bubble of my own. But I think I feel more guilt for the fact that I continually feel that anything I do is not good enough, and not enough; and rather than use this as a means to drive myself onwards, I instead turn it inwards, causing this lack of self-worth.

I dunno, I'm just miserable......and more scared of the future than at any other time in my life. Nothing remains obvious, and all I want to do is retreat from the world! Falling between stools.....

Sorry for blogging this here first, P, but sometimes I need to put things down as soon as I think them, and you know how bad I am for talking, at all. Seeing you tomorrow is something that I need more than ever.

Jon-ster is in rather a pit (:-(

Promise to post up-beat in the morning, because this is a rather depressing note to be leaving at the top of the blog for a long while!